WTF is dead drift Consulting??

WTF is “Dead Drift Consulting??”

It took me a long time, well over 20 years working full time as a sworn policeman.  It was due to a young man’s desire to be a bad ass, to find excitement and adventure, and to prove himself, to himself.  It was showing his family that he was for real.  It followed an enlistment in the Marine Corps that started during the Cold War, progressed through Desert Storm, and ended in the middle of our nation’s 2nd war in the crotch of the world.  And it took the death of a brother to bring it all into focus.  What is it?  PRIORITIES!

I’m about 6 years removed from that incredible day in 2013.  My younger brother suffered a massive, unrecoverable, and totally unexpected heart attack that killed him damned near instantly. He was having fun and doing something he was passionate about.  As a huge Formula 1 fan he was driving fast on an indoor go-cart track here in Phoenix and died behind the wheel, against a last turn wall.  He was successful and on the brink of big things.  And then, gone… It was an epiphany in the truest sense of the word.  It changed my life; of course it did.  Suddenly, in a moment, things snapped into crystal clarity.  Not right in that instant, during the phone call from my mom while I was at work being a bad-assed SWAT cop. But weeks, months later when the whole thing became real.  Suddenly I was an only child, minus the dude I’d cheated death with as a boy and with whom I’d discovered what “adventure” means.  And I realized I’d been living my entire adult life BACKWARDS: more concerned with my own contrived image and definition of what I should be and less focused on what allowed my personality and soul to develop in the first place.  Gettin’ deep? You bet it is, this is some deep shit.  

Your job supports your life, not the other way around.  The guys I’ve worked with are no doubt sick of hearing me say it, like its something profoundly insightful or clever.  No, it isn’t and those of you who have figured it out already are probably rolling your eyes.  Good.  I’m overjoyed you’ve discovered what it took me FAR too long to figure out.  It’s embarrassing, because I’ve always known who I am and what makes me happy.  But the sexy, dramatic tractor beam that is police work and specifically, tactical police work, combined with the brilliantly arrogant ethos of the Marine Corps created a monster.  I was obsessed with professional competence, comprehensive proficiency, and a level of commitment and dedication that required the sacrifice of everything and everyone else.  Outside of work everything suffered, including a marriage, relationships with my children, and a loss of touch with reality.  Noble pursuits: all that professional competence and proficiency/commitment stuff?  Of course they are.  But being “driven” doesn’t excuse neglect.  You can agree with me or not, you do you.  What I’m saying though is that as a 51 year old man who enlisted at 18 and became a cop at 21, you have got to be true to who you were before all those outside influences skewed your perspective.  There is a degree of BALANCE that is critical to your professional survival.  These jobs will eat your soul and without that balance, you will plow into the earth at 121 mph.  

Dead Drift Consulting is the manifestation of these life experiences, these come-to-Jesus moments that clarify the manner in which we should be living our lives.  Since the time I lost my brother I’ve reacquainted myself with the passions that drove me a boy: fly fishing, exploring the woods or a mountainside, shooting a bow, and living outside, around a campfire and a freestone creek. Remember those days when mom told you to get out of the house?  There’s value in that!  I’ve combined these experiences with the skills gained in my professional career to create an environment where outdoorsmen, hunters and fishermen, and those seeking comprehensive understanding can immerse themselves in an experience.  A place where learning is accomplished in context and the boundaries of life-quality prioritization are preserved as hallowed ground.  Join me and allow me to help reunite you with the things you’ve set aside in your quest for material success.  I promise, your life will be richer and more fulfilling.  And you’ll have less wrinkles and furrows in your brow… Thanks for listening.  –Jeff.  

Relevance.

RELEVANCE.

What does it mean to be relevant?  Is it a noun used to define one’s position in life or does it describe a person’s contribution to a specific endeavor?  Is being relevant a destination, an accomplishment of its own, something that needs to be maintained and cultivated?  Probably all of the above and how you grasp its meaning and significance determines how you check those boxes.  Relevance is an important word for me.  To be IR-relevant means you don’t matter.  It came to life when I examined my own: my life and my relevance in it.  For a very long time I was obsessed with being the “best” at everything I tried: the best shooter, the best driver, the best Marine and cop and dad.  Whatever it was, I had to be at the top of the game.  Nothing groundbreaking for us men and I’m sure, many women.  But it is a stereotypically male characteristic and it’s typically not something we’re shy of.  Being the “best” at something means you’ve worked hard, suffered and failed and stood up again, gone through a specific learning process that demanded your full attention at the sacrifice of, well, everything else.  Having achieved this excellence to one degree or another over several different but related pursuits, I found myself moving past these accomplishments.  It wasn’t that I became bored or satisfied with my progress, those of us with a mild to moderate case of OCD never really find satisfaction.  Complacency?  Maybe. It was more though that I noticed my passion wavering.  Maybe that’s a lack of creativity or a crack in the tree trunk named “Dedication.” Whatever it was I began to see my world differently; how I interacted with people, the effort I put forth, and drew comparisons against what I’d done and what I saw others doing.  Moving on isn’t always by choice either.  Sometimes it’s a mistake, the outcome of specific decisions that although in the moment seemed perfectly reasonable, clearly weren’t the right ones in hindsight.  Other times it was another interest that held a similarly important place in my life but one that I hadn’t fully focused on, and one in which I found considerable challenge and desire.  And lastly, sometimes its God Himself making decisions for us that we cannot bring ourselves to face.  This is a real thing whether you believe in God or not.  When we achieve a certain level of something, often times we’ll deny the fact, in the face of overwhelming evidence, that we’re not as good as we’ve convinced ourselves we are. 

The existence of a man who’s unable to accept this change and isn’t wise enough to realistically consider what he’s accomplished, has a character flaw.  The man who has moved past that moment in life where he was King, and needs to force feed his self-proclaimed relevance upon others in order to preserve his self image, pathetic.  This is closely tied to, if not synonymous with ego, and the arrogance of a person behaving this way represents closed-mindedness and self-righteousness.  You cannot be right in this man’s eyes.  Regardless of whether your opinion matches his at the 99% level matters not; he’s going to find a flaw and isn’t afraid to correct you, assertively.  Moreover, the lack of acceptance of contribution, education, or knowledge alienates those being addressed.  It pushes them into a margin where they have 2 choices: accept and adopt that perspective, or don’t and find yourself alone.  Forcing your “expertise” on others without the ability to listen and value theirs, is toxic to that relationship.  And ultimately it will lead to an island of a man, surrounded only by those whose applause and worship are sought to feed an ego and will create a gulf across which only monumental, life-changing effort will allow him to reconnect.  The island gets more and more remote.  And the man, less and less willing to put forth the effort. 

So where does all this fit in the Meaning of Life?  Well, to me it means practicing humility.  It means recognizing where you are relative to your peers and when its time to pass the torch, doing so gracefully.  It also means its perfectly alright to let go of that torch; nothing is going to fall apart at the seams and things will progress without your hand directly involved.  That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes and the cliché comes to mind, “Easier said than done.”   But there’s another cliché out there that states, “If you’re not moving forward, you’re dying.”  We need to accept what we’ve done as enough and have faith in the fact that we accomplished something valuable and made it better than what it was. If the next guy does it better or expands upon the groundwork you’ve laid, then there’s no better evidence to prove it.  This life has no room for whining and envy and the demand of respect: whining is standing still and throwing a fit, so you’re dying; envy is related to the former, you’re doing very well where you’re at and its likely exactly where you need to be; and respect is something earned, every day.  It’s not a right and no one owes it to you, you’ve got to create an environment where it grows on its own and prove to yourself that you’re worthy of it.  

All of this sounds suspiciously like I’m referring to a specific person or experience, doesn’t it?  Yes to both, personal and professional.  Its been something I’ve wanted to get out of my head, like some tumor creating pressure and causing a headache.  Growing old gracefully is important and how we handle how relevant we are plays a key role in how we men do that.  The quality of that process is dependent upon how well we cope.  Our egos and self-importance cannot define who we are. What drives us to excel at what we are doing now cannot be dependent upon what we did back then.  Lean on that experience and draw from it the wisdom to make good decisions and sound choices, it has value without a doubt.  But its equally worthy to be the student as it was the teacher and that doesn’t mean you’ve taken a step down.  And as my wife used to say, “Bloom where you’re planted!”  -Jeff.